Prime Day

I treated Amazon Prime Day like it was Treat Yo Self 2017.

We miss you, Parks and Reeec (via)

I don't buy a lot of things. I don't like to go shopping in physical stores, and I online shop by finding something I like, stuffing it in my virtual cart, and leaving it there - returning furtively to stare at it for hours every day - until eventually I find out it's out of stock and have a reaction way out of proportion to my actual attachment to whatever it was I was looking at.

That's why Prime Day was so strange.

I wasn't going to browse Amazon at all, until Bill told me, "Just check and see if any of the things we need for the house are on sale."

OH, I said. AND BY "THINGS WE NEED FOR THE HOUSE," I ASSUME YOU MEAN A FOG MACHINE.

So we bought a fog machine. 

Here are some other things we almost bought:

- HUMAN PHEROMONES. Extra Strength. Just 'cause, like, WHAT IF THEY ACTUALLY WORK?

Only 7% claimed. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! 

"Effective in attracting men, but also smells amazing." Bonus!

Remember to allow time for the Pheromones to Attract Men.

- HEART-SHAPED FLOWERING TEA. Because I'm a fancy lady from Fancy Town.

- STAR-SHAPED CONFETTI! It's sold by Confetti Momma, so...I mean, how could I not?

- A SICK PAIR OF SUNNIES.

- RIP VAN WAFELS COOKIES. Yum-o!

- THIS CHILDREN'S BOOK, I WILL SURPRISE MY FRIEND!

Lookit those sneaky friends.

Also: I'm a total Gerald. Which sneaky friend are you?

I did buy one other thing. Since it's Treat Yo Self day, I bought the most luxurious, indulgent thing I could think of:  

Bill doesn't know. Wait till he comes home to find me COVERED IN GOLD. 

(via)