Danke schön

I’m sort of coming up on the end of Things I Need to Write before the release of YA friendship-rom-com (platoni-com?) A Dazzle of Zebras. I have my novel…my title…my back cover description…my dedication…all that’s left, really, are the acknowledgments.

But how—HOW?—does a person even begin to mention everyone who’s contributed to writing a book? Writers have to prioritize their direct contributors, I guess, otherwise this section would be longer than the book itself and you’d get acknowledgments like, “Thank you to the girl in the ladies’ room in Terminal C at the Dallas-Fort Worth Airport whose loud phone conversation inspired several funny exchanges in the third chapter.” Or something like, “Big shout-out to all my ancestors whose biological imperatives ultimately resulted in my birth. I owe ya one, guys.”

Then again, I would enjoy seeing an author who goes completely the other way and just says, “Um, how about thank you to ME, the person who put in all the sweat, blood, and tears—mostly tears—almost entirely tears—so much crying—in fact, at one point I became severely dehydrated—spent three days in the hospital—cost me a fortune in medical bills—to write this book in the first place? And NO thanks to all the haters who laughed at me because I spelled ‘tomorrow’ wrong in the second-grade spelling bee. Look at me now, suckas!”

In the end, however, one ought perhaps to play it safe and just thank everything. The universe, as a great and terrible whole, has created me, and I have created this book (though whether the book merits that sort of thanks remains to be seen). So thank you, everything. For everything.

You’re the best.